Chapter 13 Between Alaska and Hawaii

 

The bus broke down late at the night in the middle of the desert but it still only took two days to reach Jaurez. At Jaurez i bought a ticket to Seattle and noticed the journey was routed thru California. I had the entire day to think about my plans sitting at Jaruez. I didnt want to face my old California demons, not yet anyway and if i can avoid it i will. But i cant, okay face the music lets go. I made it to El Paso then decided to some how change my ticket. Money of course for $20 i was re -routed thru colorado, a much more pleasant route in my oppion. I made it to Denver before i needed more dollars so i found a place to change the pesos to dollars. I didnt want to let go of the pesos. I made it to seattle and bought yet another bus ticket this time to Van couver Canada. The bus hits the Canadian boarder at 3am and im dressed in black slacks a baby blue shirt and a silver tie carring a guitar. Immediately Canada customs assume im a drug dealer and bring me to the side. Then the interigation, where are you coming from? Mexico. Mexico!? what are you doing down there? I been lving there. Well your guitar your luggage have traces of cocaine. can you explain what your doing with cocaine? I dont have any cocaine. Yes, yes you do everything you have is covered in it. Well then if that is true you should place me under arrest and toss me to the jail then shoudlnt you because that is a crime. okay well just come into this room bend over and spread your ass cheeks for us. sure, id love to. Okay your free to go, but we are not letting to into Canada. You dont have an adress of where your going. I was stuck in Blaine Washington The bus i was on was the last thing moving untill monday.

At this time my options were a ferry from Bellingham or a flight from Bellingham but bellgham was not waking distance and flights to Juneau are twice the cost from bellingham rathar than the Seattle airport. Finally the city bus is on time and 3 city busses later i reach the light rail to the airport to board a flight to Juneau.

It was snowing imagine that. we were approaching to the airport in Juneau and the snow was so bad i thought we were going to crash. I would not have minded if we had.We land and i phone John Robbins “Hello John?” “yes who is this” “this is Derek from Mexico Erasmos friend im at the airport” “who?!” … “wait, you did speak to Erasmo?” “No he never told me anything but there is a cafe near the airport wait for me there im at work but ill come to meet you” I went to the cafe and a woman walks up to me and introduces herself as Johns wife. She explains John sent her for me. We leave and go to their home. Later i meet John and discuss work, However the work Erasmo and i discussed while in Mexico at the foreign car repair is not available. Ishmale had just broguht several memebers of his family over from Turkey and had a full shop. I got a job at a bar Mcgivneys, off of Mendenhall mall rd. If you been to Juneau you know this place. I got a second job at the Super Bear supermarket next door and started my first night. This was  a simple Janitor job and the man showing me the ropes was leaving so i was to take his place. it was about 2am everybody is relax as far as i know . There was one other guy besides me and the old fart, the three of us had been smoking good weed together thruout the night. Then the other guy comes up to me saying some thing about me not working and i said okay the boss will be here in 3 hours let let him figure it out and thats when the big fat fuck jed came over and bear hugged me carring me out the front door. I said alright if its like that give me my damn jacket. They tossed me my jacket and i walked to a pay phone to call he police. The police come and is a pretty asian lady but she was fucking ugly on the inside. she said okay we have your statment we will go talk to them. The next morning i had cuts and brusises on my rib cage i decided to go to the hospital for documentation wich i recived stating a contusion. The woman officer had not phoned as she said she would so i called to inform of the findings at the hospital. This is when she said i didnt see injury last night. you must have done that to yourself . she said i shinned my flashlight on your supposed injury to find nothing. she went on to say if i had a probolem with what she was saying to talk to her superior. She even said it would be a waste of time because he waould say the same as her. I looked into the internal investigation depament but Juneau is a small town and i just assumed this asian cop was fucking her superior to be so confident. So, I contacted the FBI and after i got a chance to speak to some one the woman says “okay so why are you contacting the fbi ?” I said because this needs to be looked into this is not right.Is that not what your for investigating? The FBI said we dont do that and advised i contact internal investigation, an office inside the police station where this bitch cop works. so i let it go. Now by this time one of Johns neighbors had seen me making trafic from work and back then decided to notify the land lord resulting in john receiving letter explaing how he would be evicted if he was housing any one not on the rental agreement. I decided i had better chance of success to be without a home in Hawaii rathar Alaska . I already had information as far as address for a recording studio writtin down and dreamed this was the answer i just need to get there and fix my life be a man and make my parents proud. I flew to Anchorage and caught a flight to Honolulu. My mother said i needed a hotel i couldnt be on the streets , I didnt trust this it just smelled funny but i wasnt going to argue. I spend the first day at rest in a dark hotel room, i never even got out of bed. The next day i ventured out to Ala Moana park and got in the water. There were a couple of old geezers there by the water, one who lived there and the other with his bicycle loaded down with God knows what. Iasked them “what is that over there” pointing down the coast as what appeared to be harbor full of ships. The one with the bike said, thats china town! stay away from there thats a bad place its very dangerous. So later i made my way to China town. When i arrived i asked a man if he knew where i could find some weed. He said sure head north to the park there is a big tree where everybody smokes grass. I found the place with ease, Aala park. Im not there long when my dear God, who is this? Her name was Shay. She was an island girl of Portuguese decent, she was as beautiful as the sun. I felt myself slip as time went by, there was love in my heart and sadly she was ill. Shay lived in the mental clinic near the park. She was free to come and go as she pleased . She was unique, she had a hard life and we were never anything more than get drunk and high together friends.

My mother was making reservations at hotels and giving me instruction over the phone or email. It was a hotel downtown when i was outside smoking before bed i noticed a very long pair of white legs. these legs belonged to o woman by the name Cam Ellen, she was 41 originally from Texas but spent many years as a wife and the mother of two sons in California. She was going thru a divorce and was in Hawaii for a job in medical insurance and to start a new life . We talked all night and in the morning battled who would go to buy the condoms. Finally this being the first older woman i would be to know i went to the store.

Cam stayed a week with me in the hotel i moved to the next night. She told me she was getting an apartment and to come stay with her. Cam always had some thing to say she knew everything and two weeks later she accused me of cheating on her . She said i saw her phone number written down in your hotel room her name is Amber. I explained Amber is my little sister but she didnt believe me. I stated to undrstand why she may be going thru a divorce. She just wanted some young man she could push around she wanted sex one night and i wanted sleep so she said go ahead and sleep but tomorrow i want you gone. I said ill do better! im gone now! And like an idiot in the late night i go to the streets.

I decided to go to the north shore and take a break from people and the bullshit that surrounds them . Of course you cant get away from people. I left the city poeple and tourists downtown to be welcomed to the north shore by the locals shouting “Fuck you hollie boy!”I built a house in the jungle out palm braches and of an old fishing net that washed up on shore. I made a bed of sand and covered it with a white sheet i dyed black, i still had this from when i worked in the hospitals. I had a storage unit downtown and inside was my guitar. I wanted to just spend time with my guitar in my new jugle house so decided to just go fetch it. I was making a transfer in china town and noticed some one. her name was Sherrie she was 32 one look at her i didnt even know what a guitar was. I said lets go swiming, she said ill have to buy a swim suit. so we went and did some quick shopping and made our way north. Everything was great. A place to rest with a beatiful woman. Fire at night, it was perfect. The second day she says to me “I have to go” I have a boyfriend he lives in Germany “I have to go make money” The next day was my 27th birthday. She gave her number to a fellow low life who also lived with out a home in the park in front of the back coast where i was staying. He gave me the number and i called her. we met up and i didnt like what she was saying, i just started to walk off she said “where are you going?” I said i dont like the things your saying.

I kept going to the weed tree just to see shay and get high. Here i learned of a homless shelter near by. i didnt give a fuck out the housing but in the mornings contractors come here to find men not to fucked off to work for a cheap days pay cash. They liked me. I started work with a few men from Tonga building rock walls for $100 a day. It was hot! heavy work. In order to do these jobs i had to give up my house in the jungle. I noticed a good angle on a old abandoned jail for youth. if you climb up and stand on the fence you can reach the roof and pull yourself up. it was a bitch but once over the side. Privacy. No crackheads No moms just me and the sky. I found another place like this only even better, i spent most my nights here. I also found one more place that was close to the homeless shelter where i met for work in the morning. This place was the second floor balcany to a church and the least secure for my saftey.

I was working hard and had saved $1,000 . I was planning to go to Cambodia. To teach english or work on a farm and either find a wife and have children or simply die. I had the money for the flight so why have i not bought the ticket?

Chapter 12 Mexico

12 Mexico

It was a long way

when i cossed the boarder i converted my dollars and recived 600 pesos.

I had been waiting for this moment so i could buy food. I knew my $60 would buy more to eat in Mexico. It took two days and finaly reached the city.The bus had stopped in the desert and i had chicharron.When we arrived i shit may ass off onto a bush outside of the bus depot. I met some kids outside drinking in the street and some how managed to comunicate. it was understood they were to give me a ride to the better side of town. It turns out it was a joke, the kids took me to the gay part of town and said good luck. I saw some guy and he said hey i speak english. whats up? His name was Augustine and he was with a friend Johhny at the oxxo buying beer. I asked Augustine if he knew of a cheap hotel for the night. I explained i didnt have much money and all the hotels are 300pesos . He spoke to his friend and told me if i bought one bottle of tequila 15 pesos i could crash at his friends home.

It ended up being 70 pesos rathar than the 15.  the next day Johhny explained to Augustine and Augustine explained to me, this isnt my house and you cant stay here but we have a friend down the street maybe he can help you. We went to see this friend Fabrizio. The House of Fabrizio had much character, For one it is in the middle of the city but also hidden away. It is old and some what falling down. Also the ceiling is maybe 12 feet high and in the front room a large book case reaches from the floor to the ceiling. Oh yeah, Fabrizio was a crackhead. And he had a crackhead friend danny in and out of the house. One night i seen danny dress up as a sushi chef and go out with a long knife. He came back later with so many pesos. they did their drugs and i tried to sleep. I must have dossed off for it was the most awful sound i awoke to. The police had been on danny and found him this night. They introduced themselves to danny by beating the shit out of him with their clubs. The sound was awful. I was broke, so  hungry and in a stange place. I pawned my guitar but not speaking spanish Fabrizio pawned it in his name and i ended up losing it even after i later got the 700pesos to get it they wouldnt let me have it back. I recorded almost all my albums with this Fender strat my uncle bought me. I lost everything at this house and then decided with nothing to lose but my stupid life to go to the streets. Since i didnt have a home i was outside pretty much all the time. I explored the city. One night i passed by a kid who spoke english. He had a broke down bus in front of his house, he said i could crash there if i wanted to. What else was i going to do? I knew it was a bad idea but. I rolled around on the floor of this old cold beat down bus in the middle of the street untill about 5am and decided to go wonder aimlessly some more. As i was leaving this punk says “hey man, where you going? i like that jacket, ill give you 100 pesos and a crack rock for it” I said no. He said “dont make me be and asshole” I turned my back and went my way. I made a few steps then i felt the blow. I turned as felt the back of my head. I glance at the blood on my hand then into his cocksucking face. without hesistation he runs quickly away. what a pussy.

Later this day im sitting in the street at Chapultepec feeling sorry for myself, holding my head. This man speaks to me, he does private security and asked me if i needed anything. I really dont recall much of our conversation other than he said his name was Erasmo and he learned to speak english while living in Alaksa .He explained to me he needed some help at his home with some painting and asked if i was up to the task. He told me to meet him here at the same place again tomorrow but later said forget about it lets go today. When we arrived he had an empty apartment he took a bed from his daughters room, 5 gallons of drinking water and i was home. The next day i began painting one of the other 5 aparments he needed help with. After a while i began other jobs, I worked at a bar as a cook, then a carwash. The people were always racist and stupid, the jobs didnt work. I met a girl on the street, her name was Mariana Vilche. I brought her into my house and it was okay untill for one time im sure of i acted like my mother. I told her i wasnt going to be part of her drug use. I told her this while im using myslef i just felt that weed was more okay than huffing. If you never been to mexico you dont know anything about this place. for a cheap high people huff industrial solvent. I told her to stop and she left. I hadnt make conetion with my mother until i remembered the $100 she was holding for me, a birthday gift from my father. And i really needed it.

I asked my mother to wire the money once again establishing contact and informing her of my where abouts . Mexico seemed like a dead end full of racist people and i ran off my love . I cant walk outside without some one saying hey gringo fuck your mother! I spoke with Erasmo more about Alaska . I liked a lot of things about Mexico and felt like i was around good people kinda like what i thought family should be. I mean hell the man gave me his daughters bed and my own room. to me that was a lot considering the last time i say my father and was hungry he said that it was his food. well i get it now pops. I get it now. Erasmo said he has the contacts if i want to go. He said he would speak with them and let me know. Later he told me he spoke with John Robbins the owner of the foreign car repair shop where he had woked at for 10 years and it was a go.

I decided i only know one thing at this moment. I need money, enough money to live and die warm. I contacted my mother and explained i have a chance to go to Alaska to catch the king crab . She said no but then i said there is other work and she wired the money.

Chapter 10 House of Anal Sex

My mother picked me up at the airport with my sister April and her husband TJ. I found work quick with a nursing home in Judsonia. I went to work and back to the house for a month, i didnt do shit. Then we had been talking she was in laundry, Tifany was her name she had a place near. The next morning her mother was in bed with us. it was a trip. I went back over to my mothers to be greeted by my sisters Erin and April along with my mother there was held a whats going on with Derek party. I decided to have a drink in Little Rock with a friend. I stayed out late made it in about 2am and the front door was locked, the glass one not the wood one. All the kids got a key to the wood door. Nobody gots a key to the glass door. I rang the doorbell and the police came. I said okay no big deal its just the neighbor. I said its okay i live here. The officer said actually your mother called us. I said wow okay if if is like that then let me get my stuff and ill be gone. The officer said your going to have to go to court to do that. I said im not going any where with out my money and its in the house, you got to at least let me get that. He said let me ask her. She said thats okay. Fine. $1,000.00 US in the mattress. I went to the hotel near by $60 whats else was i going to do. Immediately upon arrival my mother send a text and tell me to come home and how much she loves me. I said to my self this is bullshit and went to sleep. The next day i was in contact with Sabrina, she said she could bring me to Little Rock.

I moved into her house and spend $400 to stock the house with food like a idiot. Then she had her boyfriend over eating. I blew the rest on $5 sacks of weed and talked to Sabrinas neighbor Flip. He said come over here dude we are cool we smoke weed. I got my old job back at the call center but this time morning shift. Every night Flip had a new girl from the internet come over and behind her back he would say to me ” you see that? thats nice huh!? im gonna go fuck her in her ass!”

I ended up going to stay with a family from Yemen who owned the gas station on this block. I got a new job at another nursing home then i was fired shortly after hired and let know by Yemen bye bye family stuff. Yemen is fine but the nursing home was some racist crap. I filed a clain but i was so worn down and weak follow thru jumping thru the hoops of mumbo jumbo. I was the only white person other than the lady who hired and fired me. She knew she was firing me to make her life easier and give a damn about making mine harder. I ran into Tony thats old piece of shit Tony, Bernies brother.

Tony said come over here im down town you can kick it man. I came over, turns out he was staying at a freinds. Tony now maybe 23 belly bigger than my dads dumber than ever and addicted to beer. Wasnt long i woke up to him choking me, something to do with him trying to fuck his friends wife and his girlfriend. I never toutched either. We fought it was very animal like for i sleep nude. I got him off of me, for good. He still wanted to go. by this time i made friends with the neighbor Ebony, she was from new york . But she always asked for money and so did her company and well. Yet another nursing home only this guy was a young prick. The same thing, kinda. Fired quick for not working. Said i was smoking a cigarette when i wasnt allowed.

The entire time my mother is calling and texting telling me to “Just come home” All of this has happened in 5months my mother calling the entire time and texting saying to “justcome home” i even changed my number but she got the new one some how. I answered and yelled as hard as i could told her to leave me alone. She just laughed and laughed. I gave up, i said okay but not before questioning her about what the officer had said to me. “If you come back here you will be arrested for tesspassing” My mother said no its not true dont worry about it.

Walking Blood Being Life

Chapter 1 Cradle Cradle

Before we begin, first you should know the following enclosed context in its entirety is true. now, lets start the story.

 

My first memory is at age three sitting in a carseat in a parked thunderbird while my mother yardsale shops. My second is of equal age only in the barkyard when i catch a small chipmunk . Everyone is very impressed. And the next age 4 when i mimic my father and mothers actions with their weed pipe and lighter resulting in my first high. I must have became paranoid for i then hide the pipe under the cradle. Shortly after my parents dancing around the house looking for their pipe ask the kids if they have seen it. I said i would look for it and then fetched it . later i was rewarded with a new toy on a trip to the market. I was tested for kindergarden at age five but for whatever reason the decision was made i was not ready. so i was taught my name was Derek William Dawes i was born at the regional hospital in Conaway Arkansas June 30th 1987 and started Clinton elementry the following year. In this year 1994 an extraordinary teacher who took me alone into a glass hall and i leanrned to read well. I passed second grade and on my way to 3rd my mother decided to remove my sisters and I from public school and homeschool instead. At this time i should mention i have three sisters Amber 4, April 5 and Erin 11.

Chapter 2 Before Horns

To be clear, im 8 and i find one advantage to homeschooling. We take as my parents say, many fieldtrips. From Florida to California. All over America. By age 11 i had seen most of The United States while studying math, science, history and the Bible. In 2000 my sister Erin started public school in Scotland six miles from our house that sat six miles from clinton the oposite direction. She met a boyfriend Josh I befriended his younger brother Chuck and had a short relationship with his sister Chela . Chela had a twin sister cheyenne. Their mother was caucasian and their father Native American . They were the Johnston family and they were originally from California. Life went on this way playing Army outside with my younger sisters. I also have an older brother from my fathers first wife as well as an older sister. they would visit ocasionally. We celebrated birthday parties with our grandparents and went to Walmart. Then Erin started her first job at the local Subway .

But shes going to miss The Smashing Pumpkins final performance on David Letterman. Not if she records it. She has to see it its their last tour they are breaking up!

Thanks to this performance of I of the Mourning i watch this video repeatedly. I was obsessed. My mother had an old guitar from when she was a child. I had to reverse the strings since left-handed felt natural and i became to fiddle around.

 

Chapter 3 Two Horns a Tail and a Cookie Duster

 

On a ride with my father he says, you got a birthday coming up how old are you going to be? I said 13. he said oh, 13 then you grow horns! a tail and a cookie duster then laughs. Later my mother says, what do you want for your birthday ? guitar lessons or…(some other shit) I took a couple lessons at a music store in searcy and was hungry for more. I wanted an electric guitar . i had seen a knock off strat inside Jacks music in conway for $125 . My mother said she would buy it for me if i agreed to play the saxophone in a homeschool band. so it was i ended up with a black epiphone sg and begin guitar lessons with Jason Brunette at university  C.A. every moment with saxophone is time i could be playing guitar. im playing 5 – 8 hours every day for one year. basically quit school . My Aunt Becky comes for a visit bringing my mother a small bag of xanax . I take note for later on. then  decide to help myself to one or two or 6 or eight or so and i get very high. at some point i decided since there were so many no one would notice if i took a small bag for my self for later on. I was so high i left the bag on the kitchen counter. my sister Erin came home and woke my mother up. she said i found your bag of pills on the counter and put them in the cabinent . my mother says what?! Then my dad wakes up. I was trying to to dye my hair and obviously i was beyond fucked up. My mother says to my father beat him! oh and that he does well so well indeed i thought he was going to rip the fan right out of the ceiling with his eager furry to bring down the buckle . twice. this lasted all night im pretty sure. but it didnt help two days later im with the local lake lizard darcy getting wasted with Rodney one of my sisters friends. im 14 the only people i know are thru her. The next two years are the same, i just spent as much time as possible in my room paying my guitar .

I felt  as long as i was, i was safe from trouble. I  wrote my first song Annadrone -Yahweh- Then i made yet another friend thru my sister. David Griffin, he roofed houses, he was old and he like my sister. I started working with him, my first job.

 

Chapter 4 Want a Ride

I remeber the otion my father gave me for my 16 birthday. You want a car or a set of golf clubs? a 1987 White BMW 528e 5spd leather 200,000 miles. My dad payed the first months insurance. then forced me to quite my job because David was a pervert and wanted to steal his family. My father said you cant drive without insurance, so my mother said there was a place in town to train for work in the hospital . I trained passed a state exam and began work in the nursing home part of the local hospital . And there she was. I had seen her just passing by at the state exam. I didnt know we would be co workers .  Her name was Angelica Hawkins and i thought she was pretty .every time i tryed to say hello i couldnt speak engulfed in her beaty . Finally she said hello . We engaged into a converstaion that ended with me giving her a copy of annadrone. hold on wait, back up. Before Angelica there was a local band in the paper and in this band there was this guy Mathew Sturdivant .

Some how my mother saw him in town and said him and i should jam. he was in California and was to call upon arrival back to Arkansas. We met up at the exxon he was amazed with my car, he had a cougar. We jamed fooled around with the idea of a band with his friend Chris Pervis on drums. Nothing ever Happend,  i brought my girlfriend Cassie to band practice. Matt was Mailny bull shit other than stumbling upon bernies house, a place where everybody Went to get high, fuck, get drunk, do stupid shit, or maybe just sleep. I took it to the limit when i pissed into a hole in the wall. Here i met people such as the likes of Josh Jones from Phoenix and his brother John. Micheal Bunchner from Boston. As well as a stray of other motherfuckers. Angelica was from California, Her dad was white and her mother from the Philippines. Her dad moved her to Arkansas when she was 14 . So Angelica and i were dating working at the local hospital and both graduating. On the day of my graduation something happened between my mother and father and he went to live with his mother in his sister house one hour away in Little Rock where he worked. This was a permanent move rathar than the regular 3-4 days he stayed while working. Angelica started college at the U C.A. and Mike Buckner and i got an apartment off German Lane near the campus. He and i both obtained emploment with The Conway Human Development Center . I was also attending a comunity college with the notion of nursing in the far back of my mind.  There wasnt much studing going on Angelica and i found ourselves speending out time otherwise . She called me at work one night crying and said she had just got off the phone with her father. She said he told her he was coming out to bring her back to California so she could focus on school due to lack of grades. So she and i decided to make our way out together.

 

Chapter 5 California

 

We took both cars. She filled hers with all her shit and i filled mine mainy with guitars and one bass. I had a different car now i had sold the one my father bought me and with saved money had bought a 1995 black BMW 318i 130,000 miles 5spd against my fathers recomendation. Then we took off i financed the voyage by selling the Mesa Boogie Triple Rectifier Amplifer my father had bought me. I set thr cruise for 75 she calls after a while “why are we driving so slow ?” I said, its a long way. I did hit 110mph  a couple times . When we reach Fresno she says follow me. A couple quick zips and into her mother and step fathers driveway . Within one month we are both C.N.A. certified and yeild Califonia drivers liceneses. We got an apartment off Bulldog Lane and jobs at nursing home named Willow Creek. She was back on her turff a cali girl, she changed, she started seeing another “man” and we broke up. She tryed to keep her things in the aparment . I couldnt live.

Matt Sturdivant came to visit from Huntington Beach. I took everything of hers to her mothers house. I decided to sell everything even my car and move to the Orange County. Matt said he had a freind in fresno picking up her car, her name was America she was a model from Los Angeles and yes we did it. I drove her Lexus to orange county . Aparently Matt was fucking off and 3 months behind on rent. so we got a place in Santa Anna. By this Time Michael Buckner was in LA and not doing so well i told him come over. I was working as an R.N.A. now at Newport Subacute hospital in Costa Mesa and rapidly aproaching drug addiction .

Mike arrives and Matt losses his job  just spending his time snorting coke at the beach with his girlfriend. I cant pay the $800 repeatedly . I rent a hotel next to my job by the week. were all bums the three of us but iv developed a drug habbit i have to support as well as a relationship with a nurse at work Paola Ramirez from Mexico City. Im working full time, Mike gets a job at Ralphs in the produce section. at this point we have been homless for at least a month and matt decides to go home to his grandparents.

I decide to buy a car so i can have a pace to sleep and get around but if im going to buy a car im going to buy the best. I went to Sterling BMW in Newport Beach and said, i want a red 330ci 5sp and he said, i aint got that but i do got a 2004 black BMW 325i. i said alright. Heres $1000 i wont pay more than $300 a month. $395, okay. Cold ac blowing with the window down driving down Pacific Coast Highway smoking a medical kush blunt. I charged Mikey $50 every other week to sleep. Then we tore the roads of orange county up. On my days off work i was usally already high on cocaine and weed, id drink and maybe have some oxycotton. one day 120mg, mike had to drive. He told me to lay off, but i didnt listen.

Josh Jones moved to LA and Mike and went up a couple times on the weekend to party.           I found a house from a co worker and rented it for $500 a month off Victoria Ave and mike moved to Los Angeles to kick it with Josh. I kept right up with the drug use. It only took two months for my dealers chollo primos to find my house and kick it out side with pistoles . they were pissed about Paola but she didnt like him. I  left with quick haste i made my way to LA 145mph. I decided to slow down i had been driving so fast and in the rain. i was high, i was tired of being extra sensistive behind the wheel. I was cruising with traiffic 80 – 90 at least 10 minutes. then i hear the voice on the loud speaker. PULL OVER!

He said he was cutting me a break 112mph and him and 8 others cars let me go with 3.5 grams of kush in my trunk that didnt even see. It was a house off Vermont & Wilshire, Josh his boyfriend, Mikey and Dhani..some chick we all slept with. I got a job at Hollenbeck Palms stuck with weed only and finished sevral songs including -The Key to your Heart- (The worlds greatest Son) i had began writing while Angelica and i were still together . I went to work and back to the apartment. i set a day for more training payed some money and became an RNA.

After work i parked my car like usual and went for the sleep. when i woke up and went outside it was gone really fucking my day up. Josh and i decided to catch metro to Hollywood for some good weed. we spent the day fucking off then get back and pack a bowl, i take a rip and another. then kick back. but i feel weird let me rip it again to get right this is good medical whats up. Another rip and my heart rate is up not down what the fuck. now im like why isnt Josh Smoking…. motherfucker laced my shit. And that was it. I left everything except my Notebooks and my guitar and walked out the door. Mike had decided to go back to Ar not long before. I road it out. i hesitated. but, then i contacted my mother for a flight home.

 

Chapter 6 Home Sweet Home

 

I caught the train to the bus to the plane. My mother picked me up at the Memphis airport with her new boyfriend and we headed for searcy. All i wanted was sleep its going on two days now and sleep seems impossible in this house. I told my mother i had been using cocaine but had a moment in the mirror on 2-13-07 when i decided to live and knew i couldnt if i didnt stop so i did stop for good for good the day before valentines days.

She said i needed to go to the hospital and have my brain flushed out because cocaine stays in your head. finally she cornered me in the bedroom after she closed the dooe behind her. i was sitting in a bal,l thats when i choked her and she smiled. I ran out of the room and she chased after me saying “im going to hog tie you and take you to the hospital!” I fell at the front door and she was right there with me so i choked her a second time. this time long enough to see fear in her eyes as if this were all a game but all of a sudden something she had not planed for. the thought of her own death crossing her mind. I stopped choking her. The Police came.

 

Chapter 7 Do it on your Own

 

In jail, my mother was still presistent in whatever she had in mind, sending the jail nurse in to check on me “Derek your mother is worried about you, can you talk to me?” No go away. they put me on suicide watch for 1 week then my dad shows up with his sister my aunt Lisa to bond me out. My aunt told my father everybody deserves one second chance hired a lawyer and put me up in her house in Sherwood with my father. Mymother had everything i left l LA with, my guitar, note books and passport. My uncle john said forget about the guitar and bought me a Fender Stratocaster.  I instantly began writting songs Golden Conafornia, Ubiquitous Scandalous, Hollenbeck Hill -Yahweh- and Welcome Home -The Worlds greatest Son-

In court my mother tryed to use all my music books against me saying i was brain washed by Kurt Cobain and was going to kill myself. They gave me one year probation. I had to see a P.o. every month, piss in a cup and pay $300.It took one month for her to send me my passport and she burned every note book of musici had written since age 13 i was 20 at the time. she said it was the devil.

Living at my aunts house with my dad i got a job at a call center. There was a Beautiful young woman there Sabrina Culbertson. I was serious when i told her she should be a model anyway we started to date. She had a son Donovan he was three at the time. She let me use her car each month to make my probation 45 minutes away and by the time my probation was finished we were some kind of family. I even asked her to marry me. I went to see my old pal Jack in Conway and bought a new Taylor guitar for $1500. Sabrina didnt want to go inside Guitar Center to watch me drop $1,100 on studio equipment but she did toss me $300 on top for a microphone. Micheal Buckner was living in Conwayand had an extra room. I needed this space to start recording. I had to record my work. I only said goodbye to Sabrina for six months and when i came back to LR she was seeing some one else. so, back with pops. My mother had been in contact with my dad and he told me she wanted to talk.

My dad likes his space and i understand that. He told me to just go back to California. “You want to be a rockstar great! do it on your own!” I told him if my aunt told me to leave i would because it was her house not his. This really pissed him off. I knew he didnt want me around so i talked to my aunt about it on the telephone. She said not to worry about it and that he was just old. I told her it seems like more than that. Then my aunt says” well then you just get the hell out of that house!” so i said okay.

 

Chapter 8 Farwell Son

 

I moved in with my mother and got a job at the hospital. I had already recorded my first and second albums but i had more songs in need of recording. I bought equipment every two weeks recorded The Worlds greatest Son and planed a trip to Europe. I told my sister Erin and mother my plan and they disagreed. Then the spoke with my father about my plans. It was his idea to have a farwell Derek party with hamburgers and hot dogs in the park. My mother my father and my three sisters. I thought this was the rudest stunt yet.

 

Chapter 9 Netherlands

 

I bought a round trip 4 month ticket leaving 5-20-12 to London. Had a great view of London from the sky as well as Heathrow. When i reached customs the officer asked for my paper, wich i had neglected to fill out ahead of time on the plane as instructed. I quickly filled it out and handed it to him. He said “I cant read this, step aside” . I was taken it to a room and interigated for 5hours before they decided to put me on the next flight for New York . They thought it was odd i had a round trip 4month ticket and insuficient funds at the time. I spend 1.5 day in New York and contined the flight back to the LR airport and caught a cab to Sabrinas, But of course i couldnt just move back in. My sister begged my father to let me stay with him and he said ill give you 90days. I got work with another Hospital where i met Onie from Dubai as well as a dollar store and had a one way ticket to Amsterdam in less than 60.

I got a Hotel room and Sabrina stayed the night. Before i left i wrote a few more songs .

-Play it agan-  Purple fox glove – Onie – (Rhythm & Melody) and  -getting in my eyes- (Illuminatus Elite)

Amsterdam customs were much more pleasant . A young Dutch hottie asked “what is the purpose of your visit Mr Dawes business or pleasure?” I said both lifting my guitar. She stamped my passport with a smile and said have a good time. I addmit my plan may not be great but it is some thing. I convert my dollars to Euro and have 33Euros then catch the train. Im headed to the Royal Bank of Scotland, i need to open an account. I have an address I think im going the right way. The train keeps going and i feel like i may have missed the staion i was looking for.I decide to get off at Muziekwijk and walked into a pub named Trompet. I met a man named Gerald, he was orginally from Surinam. We drank Palm Beer and Amistel and he said to come to hims home and meet his daughter. He said his wife would be arriving shortly and after he spoke with her we would go. Geralds wife Firoza brings the car later and the three of go to the home. Once in the house i meet Farah.

The next day i take the train into the city and set in front of the Queens Palace. I end up being distracted by some buskers who play covers and like to chat. Afterwards i decide to check out a coffee shop. I buy a skunk joint for 3.50 euro . I go for a walk and have a sit by the canal. A man from Austria approaches me and ask if i would like to join him and his friend a young woman from Germany who was born in Shanghai. The man was a producer and the woman a musician. We talk for a while and the man decides to leave. The girl and i go for a walk . We started kissing in the the street and kept kissing fora while. all of a sudden the girl taken being dragged down the street by the man im stunned! I say what the hell and chase after but its to late he rushes her into the hotel and shes gone. The front desk stops me as they reach the elevator and threatens to call the police.

Firoza had family ties to a man named Juan who ran a recording studio L5 Records . I met with him and we discussed doing some projects. Then i met Jessica Van Vugt the studio assistant. I played on the street again this time in front of the apollo hotel in Almere. But i was broke and under pressure to go home. I gave in, Juan wanted my Taylor he was also left- handed . He gave me 600 euros for it. I spent some time going around the city. I spent the last night with Jessica in her room on the 3rd floor. Her room was dim, tiny, Warm and dry. I gave Farah a single rose, spend my last day in Holland. Payed Firoza then contacted my mother for a flight home.

 

CHAPTER 10 The House of Anal Sex

 

My mother picked me up at the airport with my sister April and her husband TJ. I found work quick with a nursing home in Judsonia. I went to work and back to the house for a month, i didnt do shit. Then we had been talking she was in laundry, Tifany was her name she had a place near. The next morning her mother was in bed with us. it was a trip. I went back over to my mothers to be greeted by my sisters Erin and April along with my mother there was held a whats going on with Derek party. I decided to have a drink in Little Rock with a friend. I stayed out late made it in about 2am and the front door was locked, the glass one not the wood one. All the kids got a key to the wood door. Nobody gots a key to the glass door. I rang the doorbell and the police came. I said okay no big deal its just the neighbor. I said its okay i live here. The officer said actually your mother called us. I said wow okay if if is like that then let me get my stuff and ill be gone. The officer said your going to have to go to court to do that. I said im not going any where with out my money and its in the house, you got to at least let me get that. He said let me ask her. She said thats okay. Fine. $1,000.00 US in the mattress. I went to the hotel near by $60 whats else was i going to do. Immediately upon arrival my mother send a text and tell me to come home and how much she loves me. I said to my self this is bullshit and went to sleep. The next day i was in contact with Sabrina, she said she could bring me to Little Rock.

I moved into her house and spend $400 to stock the house with food like a idiot. Then she had her boyfriend over eating. I blew the rest on $5 sacks of weed and talked to Sabrinas neighbor Flip. He said come over here dude we are cool we smoke weed. I got my old job back at the call center but this time morning shift. Every night Flip had a new girl from the internet come over and behind her back he would say to me ” you see that? thats nice huh!? im gonna go fuck her in her ass!”

I ended up going to stay with a family from Yemen who owned the gas station on this block. I got a new job at another nursing home then i was fired shortly after hired and let know by Yemen bye bye family stuff. Yemen is fine but the nursing home was some racist crap. I filed a clain but i was so worn down and weak follow thru jumping thru the hoops of mumbo jumbo. I was the only white person other than the lady who hired and fired me. She knew she was firing me to make her life easier and give a damn about making mine harder. I ran into Tony thats old piece of shit Tony, Bernies brother.

Tony said come over here im down town you can kick it man. I came over, turns out he was staying at a freinds. Tony now maybe 23 belly bigger than my dads dumber than ever and addicted to beer. Wasnt long i woke up to him choking me, something to do with him trying to fuck his friends wife and his girlfriend. I never toutched either. We fought it was very animal like for i sleep nude. I got him off of me, for good. He still wanted to go. by this time i made friends with the neighbor Ebony, she was from new york . But she always asked for money and so did her company and well. Yet another nursing home only this guy was a young prick. The same thing, kinda. Fired quick for not working. Said i was smoking a cigarette when i wasnt allowed.

The entire time my mother is calling and texting telling me to “Just come home” All of this has happened in 5months my mother calling the entire time and texting saying to “justcome home” i even changed my number but she got the new one some how. I answered and yelled as hard as i could told her to leave me alone. She just laughed and laughed. I gave up, i said okay but not before questioning her about what the officer had said to me. “If you come back here you will be arrested for tesspassing” My mother said no its not true dont worry about it.

CHAPTER 11 Chow Call

 

I didnt make it a month. I found work in Little Rock at a subacute hospital working three twelve hour shifts per week . I worked my three days and It was the morning of the interview for my second job. My mother said she would take me. That was after she tryed to talk me out of getting two jobs and saw my mind was made up. I was waiting for her patiently but she was acting nuts dacing around the house while i sat on the sofa. It was just weird i said you now what fuck this. I will get myself to Little Rock some how and make this interview. I called the police this time, i asked if they could simply come out keep the peace. So she couldnt lie and say i hit her or stole something . I didnt know she had run off to her room and also called the police. whats she said to them, i have no idea. I was outside on the driveway with my things waiting for a cab i had called. The police show up and i say okay thank you, here is my cab .The officer asks me please wait one moment. I said okay, the officer goes into the house and comes back out to inform me im under arrest for tresspassing. He said had i been in the street he wouldnt have had to. 2hours in the jail and i have a call from a bail bonds man, he says Hello Derek im here with your mother and she wants to bond you out of jail with the stipulation you come home to live with her. I said No. So i spend 30 days in jail wating for a court date. i spend my 26th birthday in what i would call triple isolation only not exactly isolated but with two other men. A room wide enough to lay down in and stack people three high. This room is locked tight. outside of this room is a bigger room for all the other equal cages to be opened to in the morning and of course this room is inside of the bigger jail. my mother even tryed to hire a lawyer. Once again no thank you. Can i have a lawyer to fight what my mother has done to me not a lawyer hired by my mother . Finally the judge says lets get you back to work Mr Dawes. When i was out i needed my paycheck i had worked Three twelves at $13 and i was hungry. My job said my mother had got in contact with them explaing a family emergency and how she demanded they give to her my paycheck. Forced to contact her she blows me off for 1 week in this time i actually found myself looking curiously thru the subway dumpster. The Man who worked there saw me and gave me a sandwich. I once again contacted the police about my paycheck and she finally gave it over. I went to Little Rock and bought a bus ticket to Dallas and from Dallas i bought a ticket to Mexico City.